I Swear I’m Not a Waitress…not the OPI nail-color either (though totally a favorite)

Dear God,

         I am taking a moment to ask beforehand for future forgiveness.  When the day comes that I publish the mammoth-sized non-fiction compilation of sinful thoughts, language, and experiences regarding the time I did (pun intended) in the restaurant world, please don’t hold it against me.  In fact, I’m asking you to turn a blind eye, ear and overall omnipresence off briefly as I (hope to) make a ridiculous number of people wet their pants…

Forever Yours (If You’ll still have me),

Ash

Was Sigmund Freud around when the pepper mill was invented?  Some time back, I carried this lovely wooden phallus to a table of 60 somethings.  Notoriously guilty of word-vomit, I presented the brown penile look-alike, and without missing a beat asked these guests in my Granny’s age group  if they would care for any freshly cracked pecker.  Enter humiliation. 

Then there was the time I placed a Baja salad ever so gently in front of a young woman (obviously on the first date with her future Prince Charming), only to watch my loosely-glued-french-tipped-to-perfection-acryllic-fingernail sommersault three times and land with a splash in her ramekin of “extra ranch” dressing….shall I keep going?  CRUNCH!!!

My stories range from borderline hysterical to still fully capable of infuriating me regardless of the innumerable hours spent with my therapist.  Janice, I love you dearly.  If this book doesn’t make the Bestseller list, I’m personally going to find Anthony Bourdain and ask him what the heck he has that I dont!  Ahh, the restaurant world.

I blame my love of alcohol on experiences here,  backed solidly by an immense adoration for fellow alchies like Faulkner, London and Hemmingway, .  Nothing  is quite so lovely as getting off work after a hell-day gift from Satan himself and playing a game of “Find The Bottom” with a bottle of nice Chianti…fuhfuhfuhfuhfuh.

No, I’m not really an alcoholic (at least that’s what I have to say considering my mother could be reading this), though it’s not out of the question should I have to continue this absurd practice of self-induced-emotional-rollercoastering.  College degree $80,000,  Resulting monthly income need $3,000, Experience in the restaurant industry…priceless.

Scared Shitless Because I’m Learning to Fly…

8 hours total in a car…driving to Charlotte NC….job interview a success…elation fully taking over…laughing hysterically about nothing at all!  Upon setting foot in my house, fear ninja’d itself on my safely tucked away subconscious.  Holy crap.  Opportunity is whispering in the dark to take the leap into my life’s next exciting chapter.  I am scared shitless!!!  (For the first time ever).  God has fed me, nestled me softly in my life’s nest, covered me through some torrential storms, and now he’s asking me to spread my wings.  I’m blindly learning how to fly…

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE pieces of my current career.  There is nothing quite as wonderfully remunerating as watching a potential client’s wall come down when they honor me with the priceless gift of trust.  I ask countless personal questions, desperately trying to capture the essence of what’s important to each and every person I meet daily.  It’s enthralling, challenging beyond any justifiable explanation, and has created friendships that run deeper than blood relation.  I thrive on it, and I love each of them (or you…if you’re reading) dearly.  I feel I’ve been more than a “financail advisor.”  I’m a counselor, a guide, a shoulder to cry on, a friend, and above all, the keeper of dreams perhaps never uttered to another living soul.   That’ s not a responsibility I take lightly, and it’s certainly never to be taken for granted.  The next step is knocking and I’m not sure which way to turn.

So what to do now?  Life is about taking risks…pardon the cliche, but it’s true.  I coach individuals daily on sucking up the difficult times and I teach them how exactly to create the futures they dream about.  This always involves financial stability and that is one thing I’m very good at educating people about and terrible at capturing for myself (Read on and I’ll explain).  Please understand that I’ve made some great recommendations, and I know I will never have to apologize for anything I’ve ever recommended.  I need a career change for myself because of my personal financial obligations, though I will be a Northwestern Mutual client until the day I die…it’s a damn good company, with damn good ideas, a damn good history, and some damn good paths to success….  My co-wokers are my family.   And, I LOVE it….everything about the people, the company, the process…everything.  I am failing financially, and it’s so disheartening. 

I want something that allows me to make new relationships and continue the incredible ones I’ve created…WHILE allowing me to implement the things I teach my clients to make my dreams come true…

Opportunity knocks…what do you think I should do?

To win a contest, and muse a touch…(not to be mistaken with touch a muse)

So I just finished watching the movie Julie and Julia, and for some reason was graced with that internal stirring that only rouses when creativity is hatching over the horizon…  Dreams are important, and fleeting, on occasion, so why doesn’t everyone pursue them?

WE can be just like Julie.   In my case, I can write my way to the big screen via pen and paper…er…keyboard and monitor.  I can be happy and successful doing exactly what I love to do (which changes daily)!  So my friends, what you’re about to witness is my golden ticket to stardom.  Welcome, welcome, welcome,  and please hold all of your applause until you finish reading.  No picthaahs!!! Puhlease!!! 

I’m on coffee cup number three for the evening only to guarantee that I come up with the best idea ever for tomorrow’s blogpost during the wee hours of the night,  when my eyes feel like anvils and my heartrate can rival a hummingbird’s.  Ha, so where to start tonight?

To begin, I asked myself  “what do I want this blog to do?”  I can think of a number of things, honestly.  Most importantly, I want it to help people (and make me famous and disgustingly wealthy, of course).  What people you ask?  College students, friends, business owners, new grads, those struggling financially, people wishing to preserve memories, those who are pursuing dreams, and what truly makes them happy, singles, siblings, artists, Christians and well… anyone who will do me the honor of taking the time to read what I have to say, really.   I want this blog to let me be free.  I want it to express creativity daily, and have someone acknowledge whether or not I stink at  it, as well as offer up some other opinions!  I want the people in my life to know how important they are to me because they wake up in the morning and read it here.  I want to win Friday 2.0’s First Ever ‘Blog-Off’ !!!  And lastly, I want this blog to spark some new relationships.  Without them, I would be miserable.

I’m going to be brutally honest, hopefully funny, silly, sincere and open here.  What I’d love to know now, is why, if any of you are out there, did you stop on this page?  What do you dream about?